The Ink Stained Banana Licensing Policy.
This Established Basic Official License Agreement ("EBOLA") is a binding legal agreement between you ("YOU"), an individual person with various optional parasites and The Ink Stained Banana ("TISB"). By selecting "i Accept" when downloading, or by installing, or using, or using the installer, or stalling the user, or wondering if Exlax might help that binding problem, you agree to be bound by the terms of this Agreement, and to have said photos distributed where potentially profitable. If you do not agree to the EBOLA, we'll be very sad and probably will start crying, but we'll still keep bugging you about the bondage thing.
How You Can Use The Ink Stained Banana. You have, subject to the terms and conditions that we'll make up as we go along, a non-exclusive, non-transferable personal license to use TISB for your own non-commercial use. Please do not tell us how you plan on using TISB, since we've just eaten. Your use of TISB is limited to a fixed number of eyeballs and braincells, as defined below.
"Non-Commercial Purposes" means use of TISB by an individual for their own personal jollies via single page requests to a single webserver who's not going to feature it in some Greko-Roman historical reenactment next to the product placed liter of Mountain Dew Caesar Saladius is going to throw before the thrilling Chevrolet race, because that movie would really suck. Likewise if i can't make a stinking dime out of this, then neither can you, nyah!
"Eyeball" means that round wet thing in the front of your head you use to gather information. No you idiot, that's your tongue. Look, here's a laser pointer. Now shine it at the wetter bits of your head. Ok, that searing blast of pain you just felt? That was one of your eyeballs. You're only allowed to use two… or less, i imagine… of those for reading TISB. Any use of third eyes is not recommended since that's really only good for introspection anyway.
"Braincells" are those things that you heard dying during that all night bender back in college. You probably only have a few of those left, and seriously, i wouldn't devote more than two or three to TISB. Just try not to use the same ones that had to deal with Friends and Frasier. They've suffered enough.
Use of TISB for automatic computer-generated world domination schemes is not permitted under this Agreement. That's TISB's plans and it really doesn't need anyone else butting ahead. Otherwise we'll start crying again.
A Little Credit You must maintain, on every braincell used to read TISB, an operable link to http://unitedheroes.net/blogs/jr, with the link text "Ownzored by The Ink Stained Banana" as specified by TISB, even if the braincell flushes TISB faster than a Montezuma Slurpee from Tijuana. We don't care how you brand them cells, just that you do. Cletus, however, doesn't recommend using a hot iron.
Making Copies. You may make one (1) copy of TISB in any machine readable form solely to torment abducted aliens you may have in your attic. They really hate it. Take pictures.
Getting Help. Look, we're your friends. We love you. We're just very concerned that you're spending so much time reading bogus legal documents. George over here went through all of that and thinks he might know what you're going through. We're going to support you, but there's a clinic that we think you should go to…
Restrictions They only keep you down, man.
No Warranty. TISB IS OFFERED "AS-IS". THAT MEANS "BROKEN", "BUSTED", "NO-WORKEE", THAT SORT OF THING. WE'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR STAINING YOUR LINENS, SCARING YOUR CAT, OR BACKING UP YOUR TOILET EVEN IF WE COMPLAINED ABOUT ALL THE CHEESE WE ATE AND USED UP ALL THE PAPER. ANY AND ALL RISK ASSOCIATED WITH TISB IS YOURS, INCLUDING THOSE GAMBLING DEBTS WE RAN UP LAST TUESDAY. WE'RE NOT SAYING NOTHING, BUT i'D SUGGEST YOU NOT BE AT HOME WHEN GUIDO DROPS BY. LOOK, WE'RE TYPING IN ALL CAPS, NOT BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE WE FORGOT HOW TO TURN THEM OFF.
General. Ok, so where were we? Right-o. If you agree to EBOLA, it's your fault. If you use TISB for profit, cut us a share or we'll threaten to sue (or just threaten sue, but she'll probably start crying.) If we show up uninvited thirty minutes before your parents are due, you can't kick us or our sheep out of your living room. We like you, but not enough to help you move or post bail. No temporary tattoos or henna designs on them braincells, we're looking for permanent prison quality tats. TISB really should use someone other than Mel's house of Lawyering and Bait Supplies, or at the very least, should either proofreed these documents, or pay Mel something other than five bucks and a case of nightcrawlers.
God Save the Queen.
