isn't quite ashamed enough to present

jr conlin's ink stained banana

2005-10-16

::iKudzu

Crap, i need to install Quicktime to see this? Dammit. Well, i do want to see the keynote, so… here goes.

Hi! Thank you! Here's your link to Quicktime with iTunes. Would you like the professional version?

No, i want the free version.

Here's the free Quicktime iTunes version, Ooh, all the cool kids have this! It's what you want!

No, i want just the stand alone player.

We don't make that. You want iTunes! Everyone loves iTunes. How else are you going to use your iPod?

i don't have an iPod. They're expensive, collect more scratches than mosquito day at poison ivy camp and doesn't even have a radio player.

Behold the shadowy people dancing against primary colors. Don't you want to be a cool shadowy figure?

If i wanted that, i'd go talk to Sauron. Just give me the damn stand alone.

ok, here's the link. but you want the Pro Version with iTunes! It's better than SEX!!

*click*

You're no fun. Ok, here's the player. Let me sign you up for the following newsletters:
[X] Free Apple Quicktime News
[X] Free Apple Product Announcements
[X] Free Steve Jobs Fanclub newsletter
[X] Free Instructional Video about dancing Nazgul
[X] Free weekly tip sheet about why iTunes will get you sex.
[X] Free visits by people in pressed white shirts and ties asking if you're Content with your life.
[X] Free hourly email reminder that you really want both iTunes and Quicktime Pro.

*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*

You really aren't any fun, you know.

i don't care, just give me my damn player.

Downloading…
Hi! Thank you for installing Quicktime. How's about upgrading to Pro?

NO!

Ok, Geez, no need to be touchy. Here's the license, ok?

Yeah, fine, whatever.

i'm installing here, ok?

Yeah, fine, whatever.

Ok, shutting down everything that might possibly use quicktime ever.

Yeah, fine, what.. Hey! Where did my editor go?

Ok, spraying icons and shortcuts for quicktime all over your computer like a tomcat in heat.

What? Stop that! i don't need fifteen links to the freaking program…

Righto. Registering QuickTime as the default player for every single form of media known to man kind, because why would you use anything else?

STOP! NO! BAD!

Yay! All done.

*grumble* Ok, let me repair all the stuff this just broke. Delete all the damn icons, start up utilities and whatother detrious this insisted on starting.

No, you can't install into my tray. No, you're not going to launch on startup, No, you're not going to act like a featured character from Dawn of the Dead. You're going to behave yourself and run when i ask you to.

There.

Now, let's see that keynote.

Hi! So, How's about getting iTunes and upgrading to pro?
Lynne
2005-10-17 - 03:58:30

Annoying but funny


pmp
2005-10-17 - 05:57:26

Yes. That is a perfect description of JR.


bobthegoat
2005-10-17 - 08:25:27

Oddly enough, I just had the same issue. All to watch a short video clip that seemed interesting but wasn't. I watched probably less than 24-hours ago and can't even remember what it was now.

Of course, I got the iTunes version. I already had iTunes on there (run once), which my company put on because of strategic initiative to seem like a fun, glamerous company, like iApple. I'm glad we have a new CEO.


Jake
2005-10-17 - 10:28:32

Don't forget the damn Quicktime tray icon. What the hell is that for?


Norman Walsh
2005-10-17 - 11:01:05

Yeah. Exactly. Except, QT7 isn't even available for the platform I'm using. The keynote couldn't have been that interesting if they made it so hard to see, right? I thought so.


andedammen
2005-10-17 - 11:01:58

[...] Hysterisk morsomt og veldig gjenkjennelig for alle som har installert Quicktime … (Tips fra Moose) [...]


jrconlin
2005-10-17 - 11:21:03

Well, I'm sure the "official" reason is that having that icon allows the program to stay resident and have it launch faster, since you want every form of media running through Quicktime (cuz it's all purdy-fied an' all), and who doesn't want to waste a few K of memory on an application that you run once every few weeks? (Yes, I killed off the ones for MSOffice and OpenOffice too.)

The unofficial reason is to balance off the blatant microsoft branding that's occuring on the other side of the menu bar.


Mark
2005-10-17 - 16:49:39

Alternatively, for Mac users the sequence is:

Oh, I need to update Quicktime? Okay. Click on software update, updating system, okay, here's the keynote.


brian
2005-10-18 - 02:06:05

Once you try Quicktime Alternative you will wonder why you put up with all the BS and garbage that Apple's installer makes you wade through.

http://www.free-codecs.com/download/QuickTime_Alternative.htm

It's really just a repackaging of the Apple QT codecs, minus their player and all the godawful tray icon / autoupdater stuff. If you install Media Player Classic you get a player that is much more capable than the quicktime one and doesn't have that horrid user interface.


jrconlin
2005-10-18 - 07:56:53

Thanks Brian!

There is one personal caveat about the Quicktime Alternative. In order to kill the (constant) requests to "Upgrade to Quicktime Pro", that release includes a user registration. It makes me feel morally oogey, so I've removed that registration signature and will probably just have to deal with Steve's incessant nagging.


Travis
2005-10-18 - 10:37:20

That's funny, but a bit overblown from my experience doing the same thing two weeks ago. I found the free player download link easily. I did need to uncheck all the boxes for silly newsletters. While installing, did need to uncheck the options so that no shortcuts, trays, default-application-for-media-types changes would occur. That was all I remember. It was pretty quick. Interestingly, I seem to recall being surprised that Firefox started using QT without my even quitting the program, though I could be wrong about that memory.


jrconlin
2005-10-18 - 10:42:49

Hmm, Odd. All of the newsletters were checked "Yes" when I hit it. It might have been a fluke.


Sri’s Blog » links for 2005-11-04
2005-11-10 - 05:49:12

[...] jr conlin’s ink stained banana » iKudzu (tags: annoyance apple quicktime humor) [...]


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