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isn't quite ashamed enough to present

jr conlin's ink stained banana

2005-10-16 19:17:57 :: iKudzu

Crap, i need to install Quicktime to see this? Dammit. Well, i do want to see the keynote, so… here goes.

Hi! Thank you! Here’s your link to Quicktime with iTunes. Would you like the professional version?

No, i want the free version.

Here’s the free Quicktime iTunes version, Ooh, all the cool kids have this! It’s what you want!

No, i want just the stand alone player.

We don’t make that. You want iTunes! Everyone loves iTunes. How else are you going to use your iPod?

i don’t have an iPod. They’re expensive, collect more scratches than mosquito day at poison ivy camp and doesn’t even have a radio player.

Behold the shadowy people dancing against primary colors. Don’t you want to be a cool shadowy figure?

If i wanted that, i’d go talk to Sauron. Just give me the damn stand alone.

ok, here’s the link. but you want the Pro Version with iTunes! It’s better than SEX!!

*click*

You’re no fun. Ok, here’s the player. Let me sign you up for the following newsletters:
[X] Free Apple Quicktime News
[X] Free Apple Product Announcements
[X] Free Steve Jobs Fanclub newsletter
[X] Free Instructional Video about dancing Nazgul
[X] Free weekly tip sheet about why iTunes will get you sex.
[X] Free visits by people in pressed white shirts and ties asking if you’re Content with your life.
[X] Free hourly email reminder that you really want both iTunes and Quicktime Pro.

*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*
*click*

You really aren’t any fun, you know.

i don’t care, just give me my damn player.

Downloading…
Hi! Thank you for installing Quicktime. How’s about upgrading to Pro?

NO!

Ok, Geez, no need to be touchy. Here’s the license, ok?

Yeah, fine, whatever.

i’m installing here, ok?

Yeah, fine, whatever.

Ok, shutting down everything that might possibly use quicktime ever.

Yeah, fine, what.. Hey! Where did my editor go?

Ok, spraying icons and shortcuts for quicktime all over your computer like a tomcat in heat.

What? Stop that! i don’t need fifteen links to the freaking program…

Righto. Registering QuickTime as the default player for every single form of media known to man kind, because why would you use anything else?

STOP! NO! BAD!

Yay! All done.

*grumble* Ok, let me repair all the stuff this just broke. Delete all the damn icons, start up utilities and whatother detrious this insisted on starting.
…
No, you can’t install into my tray. No, you’re not going to launch on startup, No, you’re not going to act like a featured character from Dawn of the Dead. You’re going to behave yourself and run when i ask you to.

There.

Now, let’s see that keynote.

Hi! So, How’s about getting iTunes and upgrading to pro?
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