It's a constant lament. The holidays have become too commercial. Everywhere you go, it's always buy, buy, buy as stores try to bolster their bank books in the name of religion.
i can't tell you the number of times i've heard folks say how they wish that these sacred days would return to their simpler roots. How they yearned that this time would not be marginalized in the mad flurry of tacky inflatable crap and shopping.
i absolutely agree.
In fact, i'm even willing to offer a plan.
As i mentioned, stores want a last hurrah before the end of the year so that they can make up for the crappy sales they predicted the rest of the year. That's fine. So as long as they're being crass and mercantile, why not simply return the favor?
i'm calling on Pastafarians to declare the fourth Saturday of December "Booty Day!"
For those not in the know, the followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster have long had a respectful affection for those global warming preventing pirates. Pirates, as well, have had a long attraction for things the merchants had to offer. It's therefore my conclusion that in an act of unbridled good will toward all those who follow more traditional religions, that Booty Day be the day that we hand over the booty. Think of it, generous Pastafarians going to stores and buying stuff for their friends so that those friends can keep their holy days holy. We're helping put the Christ back in Christmas, Han back in Hanukkah, Kwanz back in Kwanza and the Sol back in Solstice. We're moving the rampant commercial portions to something that has everything to do with just being rampantly commercial. Heck, maybe we'll even write a few songs to sing as we're dropping off the playstations and plasma TVs. What's more, even the religious folks can join in this godless celebration of fiscal irresponsibility for exactly what it is.
What's more, we'll strive to help our more religious friends keep their holidays pure by thanking shopkeeps for their Merry Christmas, but remind them we're Booty Shopping! Soon stores will shift their focus from corrupting the birth of the Savior to helping the Pastafarians load up on the sweet goods to be distributed.
Heck, think of it as helping fight the War on Christmas by bringing back the more pure aspects of the day. Let folks remember what's truly special about those days and not get them lost in discount iPods and toys for the kids. Save that for Booty Day, kids!
Do your duty, Buy yer Booty!
