isn't quite ashamed enough to present

jr conlin's ink stained banana

2008-11-17

::And Featuring Arnold as Tuvok

i like old Trek. i'll admit it. i like the fact that it was shot on a budget of about $50 and was Cowboys in Space. Heck, in the first season, phasers ricocheted.

i really don't care about J.J. Abrams. i didn't watch Cloverfield, never really got into Lost and honestly, he wrote Armageddon, you know the movie where Bruce Willis and some tough as nails oil wildcat guys goes up and blows up themselves some asteroid. i don't dislike him or anything, i just not awestruck by the man.

So i'm going into the whole "Hey, let's re-imagine the Original Series" fairly open minded. Why not? We need more space cowboys.

Sadly, then i watched the latest trailer.


Ok, so let's skip the whole first "Red Barchetta"/"Thelma and Louise" bit about getting pulled over by by C-3P-Paunch or the oddly Tom Cruise/"Top Gun" space motorcycley bit (we know it's a space motorcycle, and not a modified honda because it sounds like George Jetson's car.)
It lifts you up, provided it doesn't collapse under it's own weight.
and instead turn our attention to the interior of the ship.

It's the iBridge.

This is what happens when you let Apple design your spaceships (or there's a really good sale at the Hollywood IKEA. Personally, i'd add a disco ball and some bean bag chairs.

Hurry Up! The Big musical number is starting!

Know why those old 1920's Flash Gordon sets were so glossy and shiny? Because they were shot with stuff they stole from "exotic" Buzby Berkley movies. Here? i'm not so sure. "Welcome aboard the Enterprise Cadet! Here's your bottle of Mop'n'Glo! Get busy!" (Glad none of those folks are running in socks.)

And seriously? What the hell is the deal with the constant lens flares?

That looks dangerous! Good thing i'm in this protective hamster ball.
Lens Flare: It's the new cowbell.
More Flare! i can still see things on the screen!
There are other choices in Adobe After-effects, people.

Will the movie suck? Dunno. i can merely remind you all of what happened the last time we had a movie with lots of chrome, shiny surfaces, and gratuitous motorcycles:

Needless to say, i'm thinking about adding it to my queue, maybe late, next year sometime.

mookie
2008-11-17 - 22:21:27

harold and kumar in space! oh, no sorry.


steveo
2008-11-17 - 22:25:07

Personally, I'd much rather see a movie that looks like that trailer than something that looks like either Voyage or Enterprise. But then, I also think DS9 was the best series.


Justinpie
2008-11-18 - 14:23:48

tuvok can never go home :(


JIM
2008-11-18 - 17:49:51

I'm a simple man, all I ask are three things: Spock being cool and logical, McCoy being curmudgeonly, and Kirk punching aliens.

That'll be enough to make me happy.


mookie
2008-11-20 - 23:22:21

so, uh, there are advanced five minute previews being shown. there looks to be a use of time travel. and the star trek that we know is … uh … yea, figure it out.


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