isn't quite ashamed enough to present

jr conlin's ink stained banana

:: The Breakup

Dear Windows,

We’ve been through a lot, haven’t we? Heck, i still have the diskettes with Windows Version 3.0 on my desktop right now. i’ve done development on various flavors of me since long before the web existed. Often deep into the code, making drivers and other applications.

i’ve used pretty much every version (well, except Windows Me, because nobody in their right mind willingly did that), mostly because it was the only useful operating system that didn’t mandate what sort of hardware system it ran on. i’d build my happy Franken-puter and load up whatever version of Windows i happened to have on hand.

My how things have changed over the years, huh?

One thing i’ve noticed is how… well… unreliable you’ve become. That, and more than a little creepy.

Take the latest version, Windows 10. Sure, it’s free, but that’s just the initial monetary cost. i’d be paying for it with my information. You know, there’s something to be said for how valuable my information is considering how many companies are willing to give me things in exchange for it, but that’s beside the point.

No, the real problem wasn’t the creepy, privacy bits, it was the fact that you blew up spectacularly on my personal machine. It’s nothing all that fancy. It’s, maybe 3 years old, with a 2.8GHz 8 core with 12GB of memory. Sure, it’s got two network cards in it, but that’s not a big deal, since that’s pretty much the case with every laptop that has wifi and a network connector. i mean, i updated a slightly newer laptop from Win7 to Win10 just to figure out the bits that i need to turn off. So, after a bit of strong debate, i decided that the accelerated startup time and (theoretically) reduced footprint of Windows 10 would be nice. i let you update my home workstation.

And that’s when everything went to hell.

Suddenly, the network cards that you had just used to update yourself were no longer recognized. Drives i’ve had working just fine for years with zero SMART alerts, were acting sporadic. And then, after a quick reboot, nothing. No boot for me. The system i’ve used for years was dead in the water.

i did what i had learned to do whenever this crap happened in the past. i downloaded a linux distribution so i could boot my system and try to figure out how to fix things. No surprise, my system booted up from the Live CD. Ok, bit of a surprise, it booted a lot faster than i remember it doing so. i then grabbed a few tools and started work. i didn’t finish it, however. i actually kinda enjoyed using my Linux desktop as it was. There were a few ugly bits, but i fixed them reasonably quickly. Things, however, “just worked”. Heck, even the xbox 360 wireless joystick “just worked” (even if the green ring keeps flashing).

Yeah, there are things i can’t do. i can’t run Silverlight, nor can i run VisualStudio. It’s ok, though. i can run you in a nice, protected virtual machine. You just don’t get to be the guys in charge anymore.

Perhaps i’m just not your target demographic anymore. i mean, i like using a computer, not just having a box to check facebook or twitter while watching youtube videos. Frankly, i’d be kinda concerned, since none of those really need Windows either. i don’t really need a digital personal assistant to send my data somewhere so that i don’t have to type in “Dentist appointment” on a calendar. Pretty sure i’m perfectly fine doing that myself. i don’t really need an “App Store” since i tend to compile most of the apps i run. Same with a Music store, or Games store, or Video Store. It’s like you guys want to be Walmart or Amazon. i’m not super comfortable with that fact, because i can choose not to go there. The computer i use every day is a bit more “personal” to me.

So, yeah, it’s been 30 years. Can’t say it’s always been fun, but it’s been a learning experience for both of us. i’m sure you’ll continue to do well, but feel free to watch out for that screen door on the way out.

:: Trust Issues

There’s been quite a bit of discussion (me included) regarding Microsoft’s latest choices regarding Windows 10. Feel free to take the following as the Rando-rant that it may well be.

i have trust issues. It’s not that i don’t trust people. i actually believe that most folks tend to be reasonably benevolent. i’m pretty sure that most folks don’t mug homeless people for parking meter change or rifle through coworkers belongings. There are bad people, sure, but they’re the minority.

Still, i’m cynical and paranoid enough to realize that outside of general, formal interaction, trust needs to be earned. i’ll try using a service or person using a small action, then slowly build interaction based of of the history i have. i’ve done that with shops, restaurants, banks, auto repair, airlines, pretty much everything. i’m not going to magically change my behavior because i’m doing things using “virtual” stuff online. Well, maybe if it’s truly virtual, like a game with a reset button, but otherwise there’s not as much distinction as you’re hoping i don’t notice.

So, when a company asks for an inordinate amount of information in exchange for some form of goods, i want to know not only the value of the goods, but what the costs of losing that information is. Like when a store offers a “points” program. What are the values of those “points”? What benefit do i get? What information are you gathering? How is it stored? Who is it sold too? If you’re making $100 off of selling my complete purchasing history to social media, saving $1.25 on a shirt doesn’t really seem like such a great deal.

This is even more of a concern if a company has had a history of doing some fairly heavy handed and hostile things in the past. What do i consider hostile? Well, anything that doesn’t treat me like you’d want to be treated. If you don’t believe that i can be trusted, you’re not trustworthy either. i tend to use a lot of Open Source software mostly because they establish a level of trust that’s higher than many companies. i can look at the code, see what it does and determine whether or not i want to run it. i can’t do that with things like twitter or facebook, so i treat those as untrustworthy. i will not share more than minimal information with those parties.

This includes operating systems and even computers. i tend to “lobotomize” systems as much as possible. Yeah, this means i don’t use whizzy stuff like voice enabled actions or predictive enjoyment widgets or what-ever. Sadder life for me, i guess. i also don’t get vaguely creeped out by ads for possible medical concerns or have ads follow me around pestering me to buy a BMW constantly. For what it’s worth, i also always pick “Customize Install” and actually pay attention to what’s being installed. i also tend to disable or uninstall any app that doesn’t provide me clear value.

With Windows, there’s a lot of barriers to trust. The code is a black box, so i can’t audit it. There’s a good amount of history showing that they are interested in merchandising personal data and extracting maximum value from their customers. Plus, the idea of keeping a copy of my login credentials on hand with a third party is pretty much the same as me asking to have an all access badge to Microsoft. i can say that i won’t do anything bad, but that’s probably not going to make the prospect any more likely. Plus, if either they or i lost control of that controlled item for any reason, the other party would be deeply, deeply unhappy.

By the way, i lump Apple into that bucket as well. They’re far less likely to sell off my personal information, but the value their own secrecy and control over mine, which can lead to problems. Google, well, Google is a company that makes billions off of ads. Kinda puts a pretty decisive nail holding how i classify them.

Frankly, it’s annoying as hell to constantly lobotomize and switch things “off” whenever i get something new. It’s also a massive pain to constantly audit things to see if anything “helpfully” reset my work. The only incentive i have to even consider continuing on this path is the fact that i expose myself to increased risk if i don’t.

Makes me wonder if i shouldn’t just go find a vintage TRS80.

:: Windows10 First Impressions

Imagine if Target built condos. For those unfamiliar with the #2 “big box” retailer, Target is a sprawling department store that doesn’t look like someone set up shop in an abandoned warehouse. Things are generally clean and well presented with a nod to being more trendy. In some respects, Target is like the love child of WalMart and Apple’s Marketing department.

(Yeah, that paragraph will age well.)

The problem is that Target, being a very large business with reasonably narrow margins, is deeply interested in keeping you a customer, so they do lots and lots of analysis on you and your buying trends in order to keep you a Target customer. If you’re a regular customer, Target probably knows more about you than you do. They’re a bit famous for sending women coupons for maternity supplies before the women know they’re pregnant, just by observing their buying behaviors.

It’d be handy at first, then a tad creepy if you even noticed, and eventually you might discover that “Customized for you” means “We’re recording and examining everything you do, all the time”. The larger population would probably be ok with this because they’re saving 10% and getting coupons for Twinkies. Well, until they started seeing more ads for type 2 diabetes treatment and cancer recovery services, i’d suppose.

Windows10 seems to be a lot like that. There’s a lot of “Helpful” in there. Things like Cortana, which is your digital personal assistant. It can schedule things for you, keep you in contact with your friends and family, help you find things, etc. Mind you, doing voice analysis requires a fair bit of computer horse power and data in order to not only understand you said words, but to determine what those words mean at this time. So all that info gets sent to Microsoft (or Apple or Google) which teases out what you mean by looking at what you said, the history of things you’ve said, as much information as it has about you and anyone else it figures is associated with you. What else those companies do with that info is not your concern. You have no say. It says so in the terms.

settingsThe latest version of Windows really, really wants to be “Helpful” in that way. Honestly, i’d go so far as to say the bulk of Windows10 doesn’t actually get installed onto your computer. It resides with Microsoft. You’re encouraged to use OneDrive as your remote storage for all your Windows devices. OneDrive are servers run and controlled by Microsoft. You’re encouraged to use Microsoft’s Mail program for all your email. Same with TV & Movies, music, and a host of other things. i’ll note that one semi-comforting thing is that many of these are “freemium”, in that you get a small allowance for free, but then pay a subscription for things you use more often. That can mean that they’re not selling what data or meta-data they harvest, but there’s no guarantee. i spent a fair portion of time after my install removing non-local apps like these.

This doesn’t mean that Windows10 is unusable. If you’re willing to literally go through every setting and configuration option to turn off the bits that can “phone home”, you do get a system that lets you run programs. It’s a bit like going through your Target Condo with a roll of duct-tape for the cameras. You wind up with an apartment that’s a bit less “helpful”, but one that won’t start reminding you that your stool production is less than the national average and that you should eat more bran. It also means that you have to take your key out of your pocket and put it into the door lock rather than have the door magically be open when you or anyone who is authorized by the remote lock controller walks up.

Every new version of Windows is a debate for me. i keep saying “this is going to be the last”. Windows7 had a bunch of fairly scary bits around DRM control that could have prevented me running apps i wanted (that’s one of the big reasons i don’t use iPads or iPhones). Fortunately, few of those came to be, and i was able to opt-out or ignore the bits that were. Right now, i tend to use Windows for three things: Running a browser, playing a few games, hosting a virtual machine for my main environment. The last one is kind of key since Linux tends to have bad driver support for some devices, and the VM masks that. Windows8 offered me no compelling reason to use it (although i’m running it on two machines because they’re newer, and yes, i also lobotomized them). Windows10 offers me less compelling reasons and slightly more reasons not to.

Perhaps i finally will switch to running main Linux and keep a windows VM for the other crap.

To prove that i work for the right company, Mozilla wrote this open letter talking about some of the same things.

:: How to do Vacation Right: Be Privileged

Because the web is a structure that leads to random, unexpected places, i wound up reading an article talking about “How to do Vacation Right“. It’s kinda long, but here, let me summarize it for you:

  1. Be an Orphan.
    This is surprisingly useful. In truth, what you really need are no discernible ties to any form of family. No elderly parents to visit, no nieces having significant life ceremonies, nothing that might result in you having to schedule any of your precious two weeks time off on a pull out sofa somewhere in South Dakota. Screw ’em all, you’re going to spend the total of your time in Bali.
  2. Work at a job that’s mundane.
    This is also critical. Otherwise, you’d realize that you’re part of a team working at a frantic pace just to keep up with competition or to deliver a product that has a massive dependency graph. i mean, yes, you had to schedule this time off six months ago because that’s when you found out your widowed Mom’s knee surgery date, but hey, “It’s a vacation”. It’s not like the project will rapidly change in the course of a week considering that there’s only 12 weeks to design, code, test, fix, document, package and release it. i mean, sure, while you’re at work you’re putting in 60 hour weeks to meet that goal, i’m sure the other two folks on your already tightly constrained team will carefully note and document everything for you, and give you the time to get “back up to speed” come Monday after your red-eye.
  3. Don’t be a useful asset
    Here’s a fun one! Send all your mail to the archive while you’re away! i’m sure that there’s nothing important from bosses, customers, employees or anyone who might be seriously blocked that might need your attention. They’ll be totally understanding when, after two weeks and things have gone from “being on fire” to “smoldering piles of ash”, they wonder why the <expletive> you didn’t answer their plea for help because “You needed to unwind”. Granted, the company lawyer may also disagree, but hey, i’m sure his mail is in your archive too.
  4. Be Unreachable
    Sometimes, being useless takes extra effort that puts you right into the “arrogant” category. By being completely “off-line” your also totally unreachable. You might be the only person who could fix a critical problem, but those Mai-Tai’s aren’t going to drink themselves. With any luck, most of your desk will still be in the box when the foreclosure folks pack it away.
  5. Be a white upper class guy.
    Let’s face it, if you’re packing up for a 7 week vacation from your position as a CEO for some tech startup where you plan on being “off-line” and completely unreachable from the company you supposedly oversee, you’re privileged, and have probably been privileged for quite some time. Good for you!

Granted, for the rest of us, the way we do vacations is probably “make the most of the three or so hours you get away from screaming family or crowds to grab a nap somewhere”. That or convince your sister’s family that you’ve got a business call you have to make two days before you go back to work, so you can have a day to do laundry and buy groceries for the week, and another to drink yourself at least one good night’s sleep.

:: iFiefdom

Who the hell thought this was a good idea?

Imagine you had one key. Just one. One key to open your house, run your car, store your bike, get money from your bank, everything. The key was fairly special, obviously, and tied to you. It would be super convenient, right? Now, you’d probably want to protect that key, too, since it’s the one thing that unlocks everything that belongs to you, but since you use that key for everything you have to keep entering in your password all the darn time and it’s so hard to get to the “special characters” on your phone’s screen and your password shows up as “***********f” anyway so you can’t remember if you typed in “☃” at the correct spot and…

So you use something like the street and zip code for where you were born.

Needless to say, a LOT of folks are very interested in having that key too. It could be folks looking to steal your stuff, folks looking to see if you’ve stolen stuff, folks who just want to look, and folks who want to pin their looking on you. All sorts of folks. They might demand that you give them that key at gun point, or check point, or they could steal the key from the main server, or one of the places you used it to buy stuff, or unlocked some of your stuff, or even just make a copy of it by taking a picture of it and spending the time to cut the grooves right.

Suddenly, someone who you said should have access to one thing, now has access to everything. Heck, it might not even be the fault of the person, it could be that they were attacked and got copies of lots and lots of keys, yours just being one of them.

Having One Key is convenient, but also a HUGE LIABILITY.

Right now, you don’t have one key. You’ve got dozens. You have passwords for your bank, a key for your car, a PIN for your bank cards, a key for your house, etc. Granted, if each of those were a physical key, you’d fit in with any New York super, but someone stealing one of those keys isn’t going to ruin every aspect of your life.

So, again, who the hell thought that having one key is a good idea?

Apparently, Apple, Microsoft, Facebook and Google do.

Each of those companies are currently hell bent on getting you to put all your worldly possessions under their control. They want access to your banking, your car, your phone, your home, you name it. And all of this would be controlled by your account with your Digital Overlord of choice. And yeah, since you’ll be entering in that password in dozens of “interconnected” devices you’re going to use as crappy a password as you can tolerate entering.

Oh! And i nearly forgot! There’s one other fun fact about this upcoming future.

If, for whatever reason, you fall out of grace with your Digital Overlord for whatever reason (missed payments, said naughty things about them, used a competitor once while on vacation, tried to fix something, etc.) they can terminate your account, effectively freezing you out of all of your “stuff”. It’s their stuff now, they control it. They just granted you temporary access, you peasant.

Welcome to the future!

i’ll be hanging out with Blank Reg.

Blogs of note
personal Christopher Conlin USMC memoirs of hydrogen guy Henriette's Herbal Blog
geek ultramookie

Powered by WordPress
Hosted on Dreamhost.