When i joined Company, Inc. a year ago, i signed up to work with fantastic folks who wanted to change the world. When i arrived, Company, Inc was just starting a plan to rid hunger from the third world by creating self-piloting food delivery systems to ensure against corruption. During that time i saw the release of several projects that i knew would bring about great things. It is with much sadness that i am writing this note to tell you that i'm leaving.
You see, while i appreciate that whole "change the world" thing, it's a lot of work. It means being personally invested in actually seeing things through. That means that i have to battle not only outside the safe company walls to get folks to see the value of what i'm doing, but internally to convince others why they need to stay on track. Fighting battles are like, well, fighting battles, and there's a reason that people don't do that sort of thing on weekends or on vacations.
What really made the difference for me was when that truckload of money appeared in my driveway. Mind you, that was one of the "great things" that i was talking about earlier. Company, Inc. looks fan-fucking-tastic on resumes and let me tell you, launching the WidgetTron 3000 tripled the number of recruiting emails i got.
Sure, i could have fought to make sure that the WidgetTron 3000 we launched this quarter actually did allow near universal document parsing like it was originally intended, but once we moved it to the cloud and added Facebook Integration and weather updates, well, you know how hard it can be to stop linking paperclips together? Yeah, adding features can be like that. As a bonus, i managed to grow my tiny empire from just myself to a team of over 200. The WidgetTron consumed nearly every available resource in the company. Most folks working on the project had little idea what the actual use case of the product was ("use cases will come later" Ha-ha!) or that the key component was the burning eye of evil we hitched up in a remote colo. It's really amazing the sorts of things you can get developers to do if you lure them with "sexy" technologies like node.js and mongo.
Oh sure, WidgetTron 3000 is powered by puppy souls and i still resoundingly dispute those CDC reports about it causing the undead to walk among us, but the good news is that it has a skeleton staff (in this case, literally) and will be forgotten about in a quarter or two.
So, truly, it is with sadness that i write this contractually required goodbye as i leave you all to deal with the Class 1 superfund mess i leave behind. i'm off to live a life that makes Scrooge McDuck look like a skid-row bum.
If you'd like to stay in touch, my email is
IWillNeverReadThis@yahoo.com
Best of luck in the future!
(suckers)


