jr conlin's ink stained banana

i've heard a fair number of politeness freaks often lament the fact that Americans almost never say "You're Welcome."

i'll admit that i'm one of them. Often, i mean it because the person has performed some task for me for which i am now remunerating, and has added a punctuational "Thanks."

Why are they thanking me? i've ordered them to perform a service and have verbally agreed to render appropriate financial rewards, but i've not really done much. If anything, i always feel that i should be thanking them because i pretty much had it easy.

Plus, "You're welcome" always struck me as being lame.

If you're curious, the root of it is Old English "cuman", making the phrase literally mean, "You're Good to Go." Someone tell me how that is an appropriate response for someone rendering service and then thanking you?

i've always felt that we should have a more appropriate response. i'm a fan of "de nada" which is Spanish for "It was nothing." Except i'd have the strange lingering feeling that i was insulting their efforts instead of mine. Likewise, most folks would probably respond to "prego" with "Aisle 3, next to the Ragu and Progresso sauces."

Turns out there are actually a number of other phrases out there but being a typical mono-linguistic (and some would argue that) American. i have no idea what the hell they're saying, and vaguely feel that i'm telling someone that i want to lick the bottoms of their shoes.

Besides, i'm willing to bet that after several generations the literal translation of Lower Manacovian "You're deeds have touched me like an uncle" would be applicable to modern speakers.

So how should a cultured, 21st Century English speaker properly respond to someone extending their thankfulness?

Well, other than replying "ACK"

Intel has sponsored a Surfboard with WiFi access, so you can surf while surfing. Mind you, i'm not wholly opposed to the idea since, if most beaches are like the ones around here, a fair number of folks could suit up, swim out, and get a few hours of quality Evercrack in before the swells got high enough to actually notice.

Plus having wifi might be helpful in cases of dispute or helping identify our sea friends.

Actually, i wonder if that really is a good idea. i mean, what would happen if someone were to sign into a mail account and start dumping spam.

That can't be pretty.