jr conlin's ink stained banana

Hats and i generally don't have much of an understanding.

You see, i was born with a head far greater than the brain it contains. A massive casaba of a cranium that generally makes even the most chiefly of chapeaux look like a dixie cup on a pumpkin. Unfortunately, this puts me at a bit of a disadvantage because, by similar genetic quandaries i tend to be sensitive to glare from above my sunglasses. Also, being of fair Celtic stock (to whom "the Sun" tends to be the brighter spot in the general gray murk above and "Sun Block" means keeping the lad from getting to the pub before he's done with the cows), a day out in the sun usually results in me looking like the spokesperson for most brands of Kitchen Matches.

So, needless to say, i'm forever on the prowl for decent fitting headgear. i have a number of baseball caps that do a fair job of getting the sun out of my eyes, but the brim pretty much doesn't do anything to keep the happy warm rays from our local fusion plant from turning the back of my neck a magnificent ember red. (That's the other joy of coming from a melonin-challenged breed, i don't tan. However, once spending a few hours in my backyard i can get into most NASCAR events and quite a few Hee-Haw fan clubs.)

Earlier, Anne Marie wanted to get a pedometer so that she can really focus on walking. i suggested walking to the store to get one, but she turned that idea down. While there i poked around at what else might be useful, and spotted an array of various hats. i was immediately drawn in my eternal quest.

Anne Marie, for whatever reason, occasionally forgets the fact that her hubby's head could (and frequently does) generate it's own weather patterns, and often suggests various noggin-garb that looks good and is moderately stylish. But i don't mean to short her, since she's very nice not to clear the shelf when she doubles over in laughter, and, as she again spots the now ridiculously puny patch of felt perched precariously at the apex of my skull like Sir. Edmund Hillary's final campsite, does her best to hide the tears streaming down her face.

i think, however, that i may have found something that just might satisfy my quest for the time being. It turns out that the local REI actually carries XL sized hats. One of which, i'm now the proud owner of. i even saw one that i thought JIM might appreciate. i should probably also note that one of the various hats they had was actually "too big".

This made me worry somewhat about the size of that head, or more importantly, if that head were to ever get a bad sinus headache, would it implode and create a black hole?

Well, more often than mine.

i mean, it's something that i worry about late at night listening to the neighbors.