jr conlin's ink stained banana

Happy 1950's incidental string background music
[BOOOP!]
The Moderen Shopping Market features a great many products in attractive displays that encourage you to browse. Some of these products can be described as "Wholesome". Some can even be accurately described as such.

[BOOOP!]
While such large Moderen Shopping Markets will feature wide, welcoming aisles that you could drive your Suburban Assault Vehicle down, smaller markets such as this Trader Joes do not. This is done because the store wishes to portray the sort of artery clogging that their products are intended to alleviate. Here is where shoppers must be more aware of their surroundings. Let's join Margory for her shopping trip.

[BOOOP!]
Look at all those products! It's a veritable cornucopia of delight awaiting your inspection, enticing you inside.

[BOOOP!]
So please do not decide to reorganize the contents of your purse while standing in the doorway.

[BOOOP!]
Ah the dairy aisle. Here we taste the treats that flow from the healthy teats of naturally raised bovines. The courteous shopper realizes that parking your cart diagonally while inspecting the labels on each of the twenty four flavors of yogurt will cause more that a few naughty words to be said.

[BOOOP!]
Instead, try to find a spot for your cart that is out of the way, such as here in front of the discount herbal teas that smell vaguely of motor oil, and then return to find the products you wish. This lets mothers with small children use the area in front of the dairy case as well as let others pass through the aisle.

[BOOOP!]
Those free samples of whole-wheat frosted cheese puffs sure are tempting, and who couldn't resist a taste? Again, however. The courteous shopper doesn't spin about and yell at someone who has to move their cart because people are cramming up against it like the front row of a Who concert. No, they've brought their cart over away from the flow of traffic.

[BOOOP!]
This store has a wonderful policy that says "If you don't like something, bring it back and get a refund." While the result is about the same, please do not take this as a sign to open packages and try samples directly. Other shoppers may again call you naughty things when they reach for what they previously thought was a full, unopened container.

[BOOOP!]
There, we've got everything on the list, and only a few bodies litter the ground behind us. Now it's time to check out and be on our way.

[BOOOP!]
There everything's packed up and in the cart. The attentive shopper will note that the eight people behind her, the checkout clerk ringing up the next customer and the somewhat irate individual trying to authorize payment on the electronic device located beneath your volumous hand bag are not exactly understanding your need to balance your checkbook at that very moment. Please, that's what the basket on your shopping cart/tray on the ambulance gurney are to be used for.

[BOOOP!]
So remember:

• get your freaking cart in the damn door
• stop blocking the frigging aisles you bloody cow
• if it takes more than 10 seconds to drop your purse into your handbag, you are a failure at life

Just remember those easy steps and you'll be a happy and healthy shopper!