jr conlin's ink stained banana

Oh sure, it's late. i mean i've been back on the ground for nearly 72 hours, but that doesn't mean that i'm not in a sharing mood. Particularly as ThankHaunaKwanzMas Eve is upon us, and we gear up for the 128th Holiday Shopping Week. (Motto: Buy it! Buy Now! Buy it again! BUY AN EXTRA! FOR THE LOVE OF $DEITY BUY BUY BUY!!!)

Besides, who can pass up these amazing life easing inventions?

Fast enough?

(By the way, Sky Mall has decided to add sound and possibly video for the benefit of folks without actual reading skills. Might want to turn those speakers down if you don't want to ruin someones ThankHaunaKwanzMas Eve surprise)

Let's consider Breakfast, shall we? Often cited as the most important meal of the day, one can only sigh and realize that the idea of pouring your beloved Frosted Buzzy Bits (the only cereal with 200% of your daily caffeine requirements) into a bowl can be to taxing on the mind. Fortunately, your prayers have been heard. Ok, maybe not "prayers" so much as sighs of exasperation as a few choco-bombs went sittering across the counter. This, truly, is a wonderous device made for those folks that can't figure out how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on their own.

But wait, there's less! Remember those multi-leveled, 3D chess games the crew of the Enterprise used to play? The source of "Queen to Queen Level 3"? They always added an air of refinement and space age wonder. Well, screw that because now you can combine Billiards with KerPlunk, for a fun family experience they'll treasure for as long as it takes to get to curb side pickup.

Still, as long as your children try to run and hide in shame, there's no need to worry about losing track of them. Not with the digital equivalent of a Kick Me sign. One can only hope that there's a future option for a shock collar to make sure little Johnny knows his place.

And what cat owner won't appreciate the opportunity to completely screw with his feline friend by getting a toilet shaped automatic litter box? Fluffy will get a mouth full of litter when he tries drinking from this amazing wonder! But what about cleanup? Well that's a question of simply getting the cat poop out of your shoes afterwards.

What better way to remember one of racings legends than with a scale replica of his car? Oh sure, it's no snow globe, but with a bit of creative driving and an accessory, you can relive the magic moment that made him so popular again and again, until the body gives out. The car body, that is. As for Dale's… well…

It' can be hard to find just the right outfit for your home away from home wife, but fear not! (Well, unless you're a professional athlete or have your plastic surgeon on speed-dial, then fear lots.)

And finally, presented with really no further comment, Plane Sheets, because who doesn't want to explain that to the TSA guy screening your baggage?