isn't quite ashamed enough to present

jr conlin's ink stained banana

2007-06-05

::To Kill a *!&$ Mockingbird

Mimus polyglottos, or the northern mockingbird, is a generally non-migratory bird found throughout most of the southern portions of North America and is a little feathered bastard. It is known for perching at the top of phone poles or tall trees where it displays a wide talent of mimicry of various bird calls, sounds, and other tones, at the top of it's birdy lungs any damn time it feels like. The bird is highly territorial and much like anchors at Fox TV, asserts it's dominance by shouting out competitors with it's annoying, and effectively meaningless outbursts. In addition, should one mocking bird be removed from it's post (say by the use of one or more shuriken delivered at 2:30AM by a bleary eyed homeowner hiding in the tree next to the phone pole) another bird will happily claim it's territory within hours.

The little sociopath dressed in a bird suit can deliver any of it's 200 "songs" (consisting of random samples of other song birds to car alarms and cell phone rings) for pretty much any freaking reason that filters through it's head, including full moons, other birds, dust specks, adjustments to the international stock markets, or just because it wants to rub in the fact that it is not subject to the constraints of an alarm clock.

The Northern Mockingbird is not (in spite of several individuals deep desires and late night schemes) endangered, but i'm willing to say that there's at least one of the little sons of bitches that's threatened.

Usually at the aforementioned 2:30AM.

…And knowing is half the battle.

(The other half usually involves small arms fire and less than friendly visits by the local constabulary.)

DaveP
2007-06-06 - 03:00:48

Two words: Air Rifle.

Won't even wake the neighbors.

Umm. I hear.


jrconlin
2007-06-06 - 06:14:52

Unfortunately, that doesn't really solve the problem. Since removing one problem only gives another problem an opportunity to move in. (Kinda learned that lesson already.)


mookie
2007-06-06 - 06:25:33

"Unfortunately, that doesn't really solve the problem. Since removing one problem only gives another problem an opportunity to move in. (Kinda learned that lesson already.)"

Ammo is cheap.


justin
2007-06-06 - 07:56:26

Maybe you can get a cat to pee in the tree?


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