isn't quite ashamed enough to present

jr conlin's ink stained banana

2007-06-19

::Liquid Assets

This afternoon, on the drive home, i heard a report on NPR that the Baroness Rothschild thinks you ought to get liquored up.

Ok, so that's not exactly what she said. Basically, the Grande Dame of the Bordeaux Valley is a little bummed out that folks aren't actually drinking her family's booze. i can understand why she might be a tad confused. Years ago, folks would buy a few cases of $20 a bottle hootch, stick it in the cellar for a decade or two and get some darn tasty fermented grape juice out of the deal. Those with more money than cash would then pay the folks with a few well ripened extra bottles on hand significantly more than the original $20. Sometimes adding a couple of zeros to that number. Pretty soon, folks realized that you could drink for free since you buy extra, guzzle half with your tacos and foist off the other seasoned half to pay for the next load.

Well, sure enough, someone who'd seen one too many 80's Michael Douglas movies decided that you could double your profits by simply buying and not drinking the stuff, so they got secure, temperature controlled vaults they locked the demon drink into in hopes that ten years from now, they'd have a tidy profit. What's more, some folks figured that sure, 10 year old bottled joy juice is pretty good, but the real money would be in 20 year old rot-gut, and they held onto bottles even longer.

See, this is why i drink beer.

Seriously. Know what you have when you've got a 20 year old bottle of Bud? Something that even the slugs are afraid to go near. Oh sure, there's barley wine, but even those aren't going in anyone's will to the gran'kids.

Kinda makes you wonder if some wineries will pull a fast one and pour tap water, food coloring and some vinegar into a dark bottle just to make a few bucks. Gotta figure you could make some pretty good money on compound interest alone in those ten years before some putz tastes his "investment".

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