MOUNTAIN VIEW - Internet Giant Google announced their new alternative energy program which was widely hailed by many. In a press release, Google representatives announced that the innovative system randomly selects individuals living in Mountain View, who are then turned into zombies by on-staff necromancers and placed on treadmill driven dynamos. "The Living Dead are a widely untapped resource we feel aligns with our desires for a reliable, and sustainable power supply."
Several technical reporting sites further hailed the system noting that "using live babies as lures really shows the level of detail those Googlers give to systems like that." stated an article on TechCrunch. "Sure, every now and then a few zombies manage to grab the baby, but that only serves as motivation and the system is fully redundant."
"Zombies are a fantastic, completely renewable source of power." opined a commentor on Slashdot. "i'm moving to Mountain View as soon as i can so that i can be recruited by the NecroGooglers! Go Google Undead!"
"What's most astonishing is the incredibly viral nature of the effort," Cory Doctorow of the popular blog BoingBoing, "granted, that's mostly due to the fact that occasionally one or two zombies escape and attack old neighbors, but that just increases the amount of power they have. It's very green. Ok, and so are the zombies."
Google has not yet announced plans to expand this offering outside of Mountain View at this time.
Opinions were more critical on competitors efforts. Sunnyvale's Yahoo! announced efforts to convert 30% of their facilities to be powered from orphan tears was criticized as being a "me too" effort, while Microsoft's recent announcement that they would be powering their live.com site off of dead puppies was met with harsh protests. "We're not killing the puppies!" a representative from that company was quoted as saying. "They're already dead. And we only need like three of them rather than a couple of thousand undead neighbors!". Several members of the House Energy Committee have requested representatives from both Yahoo! and Microsoft to appear and explain their efforts.
Yeeeeeaaaahhhh…. i'm probably not going to get a lot of recruiter calls from Mountain View…
I kind of see their share price hovering around 850 USD after the launch of Google Undead.
Dude, you crack me up. :) Thanks for that.
I'm on the beta for Google White Paper. It's a single page with a giant, blank text area with enough room for all the documentation you could possibly want to type up for your product.
Save This Page
As handled here and superseded by my detailed post on the
now-defunctunder appreciated Y!360, zombies+power generation = bad.