jr conlin's ink stained banana

i don't think i'm very good at getting the things i want.

Wait, that doesn't sound quite right.

i guess what i mean is that when things work out the way that i kind of want, i'm not very good at dealing with that. i mean, i can find the dark side of a day filled with rainbows, kittens and ice cream. i not only expect the bad, i generally plan for it in intricate detail. Every day i'm convinced i'm going to get fired, attacked by bears and have my lunch money stolen and am slightly disturbed that it didn't happen when i go to bed at night.

So when things do go "right", i'm kinda caught off guard. For instance, at work i no longer am responsible for the front page of my site. There's a bunch of folks that came on board that are taking control of that, turning it into a more polished product, and removing one of several headaches from my plate. i should be happy. i should be excited that i now have more time to work on the 20-30 other things i have to deal with on a daily basis and no longer have that thing popping it's ugly head up when i least expected. i have a much higher chance of sleeping through the night without Operations calling me because a server isn't working right.

i'm not, of course. No, i'm still thinking about it and trying to figure out how i'll fix it when it explodes in a fiery ball and nobody is around to do it. This, of course, is retarded. It, quite literally, is someone else's problem and my responsibility is to notify them when such an event happens so that they can fix it. There are more of them than me. They are, therefore, much more likely to be able to respond than i would be. i can certainly assist if need be, but need, shouldn't. This is what i wanted.

Which explains why i can't handle it.

Because i'm an idiot.