jr conlin's ink stained banana

i've decided i hate Phillip's head screws.

My loathing for them truly knows no bounds and in fact, is at such a level that i believe Hitler would probably note that i have issues.

Why do i despise these abominations of the hardware world more than kitten fueled belt sanders at the local PETA meetings? Because they're designed to fail.

Consider what one does when driving a screw into some material. You're applying torque to a device in order to force a point through said material. As a side note, you're also compacting a portion of the material (against the threads) so that it is that much harder to remove. This adds friction to the process. In any respect, this requires a fairly hefty amount of torque to be applied to whatever you're turning in order to fasten whatever it is you're fastening.

Now, consider the Phillip's head screw. This device forces you to place a tapered point driver inside a four part slot located at the central portion of the screw. Inevitably, said slot is about as large as the shaft size of the screw meaning you're applying (at best) equal amounts of torque to the head as would be required to turn the screw. At worst, the screw slot is smaller than the shaft in which case you're applying more torque to just turn the damn screw. This isn't a problem if you're screwing together two patty's of butter or maybe constructing a nice Styrofoam patio set, but anything with more than trivial resistance is going to make that screw fail like a blind virgin in a light socket factory.

On top of all this, consider that the point is tapered and that the highest pressure point in turning the screw is located at the weakest point of the channel, the center top of the slots. Since that part will fail first, it will force the driver head up and increase the failure. This is why the damn things strip like Freshmen on Spring Break in New Orleans. Factor in the cheapo-supreme screws they toss in most kits, the fact that driver "blades" wear faster than the center, and thus my pure, unrestrained hatred.

Now, counter this with my preferred screw head, a hex-head. This allows you to fit the screw head into most common hex-head bit chambers (think what those swappable bits for screwdrivers fit into). These not only provide the maximum force area possible to provide the torque, but also place the torque point far from the center of the shaft. As anyone who's ever peddled a bike in first gear can tell you, that means it's a helluva lot easier to power through things.

Why, oh, why in Bob Villa's green pants don't these freaking kits come with hex-headed screws? What, like you can't find multi-bit drivers at the dollar store (Just pull the damn bit out of the handle and bingo)!

i can tell you that a bag of #8 hex head "metal" screws goes for exactly the same as a bag of #8 Phillips heads sitting right next to it. The only big difference i can think of is that the bag of replacement #2 Phillip's head bits next to those cost $10.

i didn't see any replacement hex head driver bits, BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T FRIGGING NEED THEM!

i'd just like to fasten things without feeling screwed.