jr conlin's ink stained banana

Yeah, it's a bit early for the whole "How am i going to live better next year" but i've been thinking about it a heck of a lot. Personally, 2009 has been… not a very good year.

No deaths, dismemberments or prison time, but in review, a lot of things i could have done to make things a bit better on myself and others.

1. Be More Creative.
i need to give myself one side project a month. One, hefty after-hours effort that i can work on all month. i've got a stack of them queued up, and i know i'll add more, but last year the "projects" i tended to pick were either really low hanging fruit, or not really good projects. (Yeah, catching up on a bunch of movies != building a Netflix ready toaster oven.)

i need to finally convert the old AT&T corded phone to wireless (or at least bluetooth). Create a bluetooth trek badge so i can properly humiliate folks with ear dongles. Create and build a HTML5 offline app, and a bunch of other things. In effect, i need to get off my butt and start doing crap i can be proud of.

2. Stop riding myself like a fat man on a tricycle down the side of a volcano.
Recognizing one's flaws and shortcomings is good. Obsessing over them like Mark David Chapman, not so much. i need to be less concentrated on my screw ups, accept the fact that sometimes i actually do things fairly well, and stop dwelling on the fact that in eighth grade i gave Billy Reynolds a crappy gift for Secret Santa. (Yeah, actually, i do that, along with relive a lifetime of other regrets at the vaguest suggestion.) i need to adopt a more Mario Andretti attitude of "What's behind me, makes no difference" (Ok, i always imagine him sounding more like Mario and saying it like "Whats-a behind me, she make-a no difference.", but that's me.) Learn from mistakes, recognize what lead to them, and learn to see and avoid those patterns in the future.

3. Handle Random Crowds Better.
i'm the most extroverted introvert i know. i have no problem speaking to crowds of any size, attending lectures or seminars, or anything that has a directed focus. My problem is more around parties and social events that aren't quite as focused. There things go nearly phobic. i know that humans are tribal by nature and don't take well to being forced into unfamiliar groupings, but i'm reasonably certain that my fellow employees or party-goers aren't planning on pulling out spears and chasing me across the savanna.

i need to work on my meaningless social skills, learn to mingle better, and otherwise try not to claw my way into a fetal position in some random corner. It upsets the cat.

4. Be less of a dork.
i've been having some pretty darn strong opinions lately. Opinions that my finely tuned Dead Kennedy sense tingling (acquired from years of living and dealing with DC politics. While i don't get to climb walls or have inhuman strength, i also didn't need to be bitten by a radioactive politician). While i'll stand by any statement i make, i need to be a heck of a lot more subtle in my spade calling. While i may hear nothing but the lilting tones of Entry of the Gladiators when looking at or dealing with the code or services of a major social network, it's a darn good idea not to do things like post about it on my personal blog. You know, in case i ever want to work there, or at some other company where those responsible may already be employed. (crap) Or spout off about someone on a mail list, or countless other moves that are as brilliant as, well, pretty much anything Sarah Palin has done so far. As much as it pains me, politics are a factor in any industry or endeavor.

5. Back off the dopamine drip.
Basically, kill all the stupid, non-productive, dopamine fueled activities. (e.g. checking email/twitter/blogs) in lieu of offering it as a personal reward when i do actually complete something. Yeah, at that point it's more like slamming a double chocolate malted after doing a marathon rather than sneaking an M&M every so often, but if it's anything like how i've made caffeine more powerful by drinking less of it, oh man is it going to be a hit. Plus i get to be more productive, and looking for distractions is the direct opposite.

(By the way, i'm not a fan of the Get Things Done mantra, since it seems to be more about the process of getting things done, then actually getting things done. Kind of like how i find the whole Rapid Development Cycle kinda heavy on the process than the processing.)

6. Less passive, more aggressive.
i tend to put up with a lot. If something bugs me, i tend to work around it rather than address it. Perhaps that's the hacker/engineer nature of me to try and resolve an issue rather than replace what's causing the problem to begin with. Granted, it means that i have to balance this out with #4, but i should be used to working around problems like that.

There are a few others, but those are the ones that i'm telling folks about so that i can be regularly reminded and humiliated when i fail to keep them. Plus, these things have been bugging me for a while and it's about time i addressed them. If for no other reason, then in a years time, give myself new reasons to realize my failures as a life form.

(Yeah, really need to work on #2)