There’s a really popular movie opening this weekend. You’ve heard of it. It’s earned (no kidding) $1.2 Billion dollars in the opening weekend and everyone says it awesome.
Mind you, being a card carrying nerd, i should probably either have seen it, have tickets to see it, or be in some theater right now watching it. i’m not.
Truth is, i’m not really sure i enjoy going to movie theaters anymore. i mean, they’re comfy, and the screen is huge and all, but they don’t really hold the same appeal to me anymore.
There are probably a lot of reasons for this. If i go to a given movie, i usually do it alone because most of the folks i’d want to go see a nerdy superhero beat-em-up live hours if not hundreds of miles from me (Thanks Internets!), so i’d be the sad, old dude in the back of a theater. Plus, for a communal activity, you’re supposed to be quiet. i mean, i get that nobody wants to hear about your rectal exam while Thor and the Hulk share a tender bonding moment bashing in alien skulls, but anything other than applause at predesignated points is roundly frowned upon. Then, you pay to watch the movie, and get 45 minutes of the same commercials you see on TV, previews for other movies you probably already saw on YouTube, and told to shut up repeatedly. (It’s not like audience participation ever really worked for a movie, after all.)
i dunno, but it just isn’t fun anymore.
So this means that watching something “spoiler free” just doesn’t happen.
i’m pretty sure that within hours i’ll find out about Iron Man’s defeat at the hooves of Hellcow, the surprise Jubilee/Dazzler dance number, or Thanos being defeated by the rise of Dr Bong. It’s ok. i honestly don’t care about spoilers because knowing that the whale won doesn’t make Moby Dick any less of a work of literature, and i’m pretty sure everyone who binge watches movies on Christmas has at least a clue about Clarence’s wings. If your movie runs for 3 hours and can’t survive someone knowing that Thanos has a severe reaction to Rice Krispie treats, well, it’s probably a 3 hour movie folks can skip.
So, i’ll probably just have to contend myself for waiting the 4 months to a year until the studios decide to let some streaming service run it. Heck, maybe i’ll even pony up $20 to watch a couple of Marvel flicks off of Disney+, and then cancel when i’m done.
At least i can hit the pause button to refresh the popcorn bowl.